Tuesday, July 17, 2012

It's a rough economy. It's hard for a feline to find work.

I tried to get up and out of bed several times this morning. Dorian kept grabbing me with one leg halfway over the edge of the bed, rolling over, and pinning me back down. So much for that idea.

"Dorian, wake up, you wanted me to make you coffee and breakfast."
(As he falls back to sleep) "I am waking up. I'm just doing it at my pace so I don't Hulk out...(softly) rawwwrrr..."

"You should come with me to the bank naked...we'll get a better price...and perks."

(Dorian flinches)
"Stop poking me with your guinea pig!...Stoppit!..."
(Dorian wakes)
"Your own hair brushed across your face and you accused me of poking you with my guinea pig."
(Falling back to sleep) "That's right, you're getting all the small mammals today...dip you in butter...WAH-BAM, you're delicious!"
(A moment passes. Dorian begins smacking his lips.)

(Akhim mews at the door, wanting to be fed.)
"Ahh! We're being robbed!"
"...No, we're not."
"It's your cat. He's hungry."
"I'm hungry. Fuck that freeloader. Fuck, fuck, fuck, goddamn, fuck...Will you make me some coffee?"
"Sure, but you have to actually let me out of bed this time."
"I will."
(I sit up to leave the bed. Dorian grabs me and pulls me back down.)
(Whining) "Gimme! No! I already laquered your hair."

"I don't have to mow the lawn."
(Akhim meows)
"Unemployed fuck. Get a job, cat."

"Take that, fuzzy wine!"

"I'm sorry!"
"I'm sorry the box I bought didn't work."
"It's okay."
(Dorian begins feeling the walls of a box, like a mime.)
"I'm looking for cold."

"What was I just doing?"
"You were pantomiming being stuck in a box."
"No, I was looking for cold...what was my plan again?"
"I don't--I wouldn't know."
"It had something to do with mammals."
(Ahkim meows)
"Goddamn, there aren't even mice, he just freeloads."
"He's your cat."
"Fuck. He doesn't even kill things."
"He took out some fruit flies."
"Tape could take care of fruit flies...(falls asleep)...gotta sell the thing...why aren't I wearing pants?"

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