So Dorian and I finally had our legal, official wedding last month (and I'm finally getting around to catching up on this), and I wanted to start off by sharing something from that. We got married out of town, and arrived a day earlier than we had the hotel room reserved. Fortunately, we have lots of friends and family there, and my close-friend-like-a-sister Sascha and her roommate Veronica (who is also a close friend) let us crash at their place for the night.
They have two cats: Sascha's is an enormous gray Maine Coon that may or may not have some bobcat in him named Spike. Veronica's is a shorthair tabby that was a mangy, skinny, flea-infested kitten at adoption. Because of the cat's appearance back then, Veronica named her "Bacon." (Bacon is a very healthy looking, slightly round, cat now.)
So Bacon woke up in the morning around six. I woke up around six thirty. Dorian was still sleeping at seven. I'm not sure what Bacon thought of the two people lying out on the futon in the living room, but she apparently wanted us up, and so shuffled over next to the futon and began meowing loudly. This was just enough to rouse Dorian, but not wake him up.
He rolled over, pointed an accusing finger at Bacon, and, his fingertip an inch away from Bacon's nose, shouted, "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, DO YOU?"
This stunned Bacon into confused silence. Dorian grunted in satisfaction, and began to snore contentedly again.
And now for quotes that don't require context:
"Sweetie, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make everyone gay narwhals."
"Coconuts. Coconut jam. Stick that up the calibrator. Boom!"
"Did everyone feed the giraffes? Are they still in their cage?...Oh, good, they can't come in...ceiling's too low."
Dorian: "We need to get more expendible friends. We're running out."
(Said in a cool, matter-of-fact tone) "There are scorpions dancing on my face. Please remove them."
"I didn't know about the orangutangs!"
Dorian: (Beatboxes, squirms rhythmically.)