It's true. Michael Palin is not known for his sex appeal.

"It's not as sexy as you'd think to travel around the world in eighty days...so many things...checklists..."

I have no idea what THAT was about.

Dorian was asleep, gently snoring, when suddenly, he darted his tongue out like a frog and opened his eyes. After glancing around the room suspiciously, he glared angrily at me...and promptly fell back to sleep.

He's really not.

"I'd like to think I'm more mature than that...no, I'm not."

"Yes. No. Yes. Uh-huh. Maybe....YATTA!"

"Mr. Freeze has the ioun stone. It's in a box, so he won't catch on fire."

Thirteen Dogs

Dorian: "Zzzzz..."
Me: *Le snuggles*
Dorian: *Sudden jump in bed, whapping my nose with his chin.*
Me: "Ow. Bad dream?"
Dorian: "Minecraft dream."
Me: "What happened?"
Dorian: "A creeper fell on me."

"I'm sorry! I broke it! Don't leave me for the toast."

Dorian: "Thirteen dogs."
Me: "What?"
Dorian: "Thirteen dogs, they're spawning."
Me: "Minecraft? It's okay, just walk around them."
Dorian: "Not Minecraft. Not playing. They're SPAWNING..."

Dorian: "Mmmph...I found it!"
Me: "Found it?"
Dorian: "The slide...and the fondant."

Me: "Okay, sweetie, I need to get up."
Dorian: "You should get up."
Dorian rolls over, pins me to the bed with one arm, rests his face against my hand, makes a happy, contented sigh, and falls asleep. We rest like this for a few minutes, then I gently try to wake him again.
Me: "Dorian...I need to pee."
Dorian, without waking: "Oh, ok. You should do that....but not in the bed, go to the bathroom."
He does not stir. Minutes pass. I wiggle out from his arm, without waking him, but his head is still in my hand.
Me: "Dorian, honey, I need to get up and pee."
Dorian, angrily: "COMMUNISTS!"
Me: o_O

Statistics

*Dorian makes a distressed sound while sleeping*
 

"What are you dreaming about?"
 

"Invasion."
 

"What's invading?"
 

"Aliens...get down." 

"Are they firing guns?"
 

 "No...statistics."

The Flying Juarezes

"I am not Little Xerxes!"

(Dorian and I play a lot of Minecraft. This is often reflected in his dreams.) 

"'Creeper' is Danish for 'get the fuck off my lawn.'"

 (I hear him call from the other room while I check to see if it's a snow day.)
"Yes, love?"
"Hmm?"
"You called for me."
"No, I said the band is called the FLYING JUAREZES, with all the coffee. And we have to drink it all 'cause the fridge doesn't work."
"...Ok."

Being a record of my fiancee's soporific ramblings

My fiancee, Dorian, talks in his sleep. Whenever he says something particularly funny (and not just random words in what I think is Spanish), I post it here.

For instance:

*Dorian giggles in his sleep, wakes himself up*
"Good dream?"
(Half conscious, smiling) "Kittens..."
"Aw. Were they playing?"
(Still smiling) "No. Bein' cute. Runnin' for Senate."

 The first batch of these are copied over from my Facebook page, where I had been posting them. The blog will be updated as he provides me with content (and permission to post).