Woo-oo!

We hope everyone had a very happy new year!

All of these were from last night. He also chided me a few times for giggling. I think it'll be obvious why. Apparently, too much D&D and Call of Duty make for, as Dorian put it this morning, "making my brain do weird things when I'm not paying attention."

Me: "So you don't like it when I [stroke your back in a particular fashion]?"
Dorian: "No, sometimes, it's really ticklish. Like vaginas."
Me: "What?"
Dorian: "Hunh? Oh, I fell asleep. What were we talking about?"

"Watch out for the pasta dragon. We need to feed it."

(I roll over to check to make sure my cell phone--which has my alarm--is in the room)
"No, don't leave me!"
"I'm not leaving you, I'm getting my phone."
(Dorian raises his hand) "I'm your phone."
"You're not my phone, sweetie."
(Distressed) "Yes, I am."
"Okay, you're my phone. I lo--" (Dorian drops his hand on my head)
"Call dropped!"

"Hey, who's got INT plus three?"

"OH DEAR GOD, IT'S A CAT IN A BOX!...No, don't grab that, it just makes a cat in a box. Boxes full of cats. I dunno, maybe it's a singleplayer thing."

"Someday, but he's not ready for the kukri."

"Don't worry about the salt pile, they'll just turn somebody away."

"It's like drifting with a Roman. It's not weird, just slightly gay."

"For we need possibly to mute the slug!"

"Nobody has aortas anymore...there's six of them. Don't worry about the pickled arrows, either."

"My love, I'm going to get up for a second, I'll be right back."
"Ugh...Okay." (I get up, and as I'm walking out of the room...) "Bring me a beer!"

"I love you. You took my pillow."
(Dorian rolls off my pillow, which he has again seized.)
"I love you, too, just don't get too comfortable with the pillows, 'cause they're all owned by Tiamat. See, I didn't take your pillow."

I return to bed. Dorian rolls over, throws his arm over me, and rests his mouth on my forehead. He begins humming the theme to Ducktales. At the end of the theme, he switches to some other song I don't recognize. Since there's no way I can get to sleep with a crazy man using my forehead like a digeridoo, I don't mind risking waking him up.
"Sweetie, what was that song?"
"What song?"
"The song you were just singing."
"I don't sing."
"The song you were just humming."
"I don't hum."
"You were just humming in your sleep, love. And talking."
(In a tone that suggests this is the most preposterous idea in the history of mankind) "I don't talk in my sleep!"

Out of Tin

"Ah! No!"
"What?"
"We ran out of tin and it was bad."
"Why did we need tin?"
"To make the bucket for the bass...and me."

"We're gonna need, like, six more monkeys for the drums."

(I roll over to grab the notebook)
"Don't forget the box of handjobs!"

"I'll stop talking about the machines, now, they're bad...eventually, all the mostacholi starts becoming self-aware."

"We're out of pastrami! You said we were out of pastrami, but I said it was ham. And about one third of what you're saying is in my head. I'm sorry."
"It's ok, you're asleep."
"Not asleep, I'm always awake for you. It's just the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers who are sleeping."

"We can't feed the ducks, 'cause the food is toxic, too."

"Adom, by the way, did you remember the box of handjobs? I'll have one."

Pillow of Choice

"Of course, we'll need your dad and Matt to make sure the peanut butter marshmallow pretzel trees grow in the marzipan."

3:30 AM:
"Zzzzz...(seizes my pillow, pulls the pillowcase away) YOU ARE NOT CHRISTOPHER WALKEN!"

Coronation

"Oh, no, ten bucks? That's serious. Look in the address book, it'll be in there...put the block there, it's good...you can keep the Burger King crown...And now, wherever you put the crown, that's where it shall be...(sings) Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide...Not now, Adom, I'm driving!"

Speaking in Tongues

Dorian fell asleep on the couch.

"Hey, sweetie, wanna go to bed?"
"Yeah."
(Moments pass)
"Sweetie..."
"I'm sorry! Ok, let's go..."
(More moments pass)
"Dorian--"
"I'm not done loading the pasta yet!...Don't forget to use the butter making machine!"
"Okay, I won't. Dorian--"
"Don't toast me!"

"Tobas!"


(Phonetic spellings. He thinks he may have been saying something about the sofa.)
"Why don't you wander laun, on sophit loy ojin?"

Jari

"We should be nicer to Matt. It's not his fault the Polaroids of the baby hedgehogs didn't develop."

(In Dagorhir, both Jari and myself play dwarves.)
"Jari! Jari!"
"Hnh?"
"Get Jari!"
"...Why get Jari?"
"He has all the tomatoes. You dwarves always hog the tomatoes. Jari...you can't slice a tomato with an axe. Too slippery."

Pea Shooter

"(Long, sexually graphic monologue that will not appear here)...I love you. I'm being romantic and sincere. That's why I have the parachute."

"Take the pea...put it in the barrel...tamp it down...pew, pew!...now I need a new musket."

"There are no elephants!"