Yes, Oostburg is a real place.

"Well, the good news is, if I come across a hydra, I will fight it for you. It's your fault. You're all like, 'Let's hang out in Oostburg,' and I'm all like, 'Hell no!'and you're all like, 'C'mon,' and I'm all, 'dammit.' I was not at all surprised to discover there's a hydra in Oostburg. Fortunately, I know all I have to do is cut off its head...well, damn."

I can't even remember what the joke was, now.

(I tell a joke, badly.)
Dorian: "You totally ruined that delivery. You're like the Vlastic Pickle stork."

Colander

Dorian has not been feeling well the last month or so (hence the lack of updates), but here's one from last night:

(Angrily) "Well tell him he's going to have to pay full price if he wants the colander...asshole."

Pillow Talk

Why yes, we are still alive!

"Adom. Knock, knock."
"Ugh?"
"Knock, knock."
"Who's...who's there?"
"Ostrich."
"Ostrich, who?"
"Ostrich pistachios!" (Giggles)
(I raise an eyebrow at the non sequitor, and close my eyes again after a moment.)
"Knock, knock."
"Ugh, no." (With this, I roll over and try to go back to sleep.)
"Knock, knock...Adom! Adom!"
"Uh?"
"Knock, knock."
(Annoyed, and a bit too loudly) "Ugh, who's there?!"
(Dorian wakes up) "Hnuh? Adom, stop it."
"Stop what?"
"Telling knock knock jokes. You woke me up."

"Adom..."
"Yes?"
"Your boobs smell like pierogi."
(Extremely confused) "Um...I'm sorry?"
"No, it is awesome."

"You're sweet like ant poison."

'Cause I'm baked...not...fried?

"TELL HIM TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT!"

"I am going to sleep. I am walking down the street right now. Just need to sequester the zebras."

(sings) "I love the fishes, 'cause they're so delicious! Gotta go fishin'...now replace 'fish' with 'Adom."

*Akim climbs on top of Dorian, sits*
"Tzar cat, taking all the mustard. Bastard...need it for the sandwich!"

Swarm of Umlauts

"Federal deficit...fuckers."

"Let's go to bed."
"That's what I did."
"No, you're on the couch."
"No, it's got the bear."

"Swarm of...umlauts."

Why haven't I thought of this before?

"Dorian, wake up."
"Muuuh."
"Dorian, wake up."
"Muuuh."
"Dorian, wake up."
"Mmmpf!"
"Dorian, the narwhal is on fire!"
(He sits up) "What? Get him back in the ocean!...Wait, what?"