Dutch Elm

We had a very long day today. Dorian fell asleep while sitting at the table with Matt, Phil, and myself.

Dorian: "We'll get a bunch of gnomes and we'll like 'em up like this." (Dorian extends his arms outward.)
Phil: "What?"
Dorian: "'Cause when you hit gnomes with a hammer, they turn into diamond. So we'll have a really hard fence."
Phil: "What?"
Dorian: "I may be mostly asleep."

"Did you just ask how late Sirilay is open? She's open 24/7. She's like Kinko's. She's never too late. Don't tell Sirilay I said that, it's inappropriate. You know what, fuck it, tell her. What's she gonna do, climb on me? I've had my Dutch Elm immunization."

"The trick with straws is, you gotta treat it like...like a small ferret." (Dorian presses the tip of his straw against his nose) "You gotta keep your nose on it  so you know where it is."

"Coconut...You smell like potatoes. You taste like potatoes all the time."

"And you know, you can just extrapolate time back to...whenever."

"Take the box. If you don't, I'm going to staple it to your car...with nosehairs...staples."

"Am I wearing pants?"
"Yes."
"That's not fair."

"I don't wanna take the pat on the back."