And who puts a counselor on the bridge?

I think I've figured out the sign in issue!

This post will likely make little sense if you haven't seen Encounter At Farpoint or are totally unfamiliar with Star Trek.

Dorian and I sat down this evening to watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's worth noting Dorian really doesn't care for the Trek franchise (the DVDs are mine), and had never seen the first episode. Naturally, he repeatedly fell asleep. Watching him try to make sense of  the slices of episode he caught was hilarious.

(Before falling asleep)
"Is that guy not wearing pants?"
"He's in a dress."
"Just walking around? Why?"
"Because these are modern times."
"Huh?"
"Gene Roddenberry figured that in the future, people would no longer care if someone was gay, lesbian, or trans."
"No one else is in a dress."
"Yeah, they are. Look, she is."
"Ok. In the first show, all women wore dresses. And later on, they switched to everyone wearing the same thing."
"Yeah. Because it actually became modern times."

"Wha? They were just in a trial...why are there woods? I missed...I missed everything. Who's that guy?"
"It's okay, sweetie. You missed, like, an episode. Want me to go back to where you were?"
"No. I'll have to get it again later, anyway. Who the fuck is that guy?"
"That's William Riker. He's the first offi--"
"Zzzz..."
(A few minutes pass)
"...What? Huh? No! Wait, who the fuck is that guy?"
"That's William Riker, the firs--"
"Zzzz...Whuh? Ah! Who the fuck is that guy?"
"...Riker, first officer."
"And the wet twerp?"
"Wesley Crusher. Whil Wheaton."
"Fuck that guy."
"Yeah, that's what a lot of people said."
"Zzzz...who...the fuck...is that guy..."
(I can't wait until he starts falling asleep between beard phases.)

Later in the episode, the away team is poking around under Farpoint Station, and the resident empath "turns on" her abilities and describes--in the kind of over simplified, limited vocabulary that makes one wonder how the hell she got a certification as ship's counselor that for reasons beyond my ken the writers kept sticking into the character's dialogue--and Dorian keyed in to some of the words.

(Deanna Troi says something akin to "Pain, terrible loneliness, sorrow, more pain!")
"Oh no! No! Run away! Get the ice packs!"

And then he fell asleep for good.

"Attacked by a source...I stole the limo. Rub all the holodecks."


"...Later on, they find out Data doesn't know what the fuck he is doing."

"Dress guy is just everywhere. Just walking around. Look at him go! Places to be."

"I love you...I'll show you the Fava Technique."

(Dorian bellows a shockingly loud, impressively extended moan not unlike that of a zombie. I'm unsure how he slept through his own noise.) "...That's why you don't let Akhim eat the peas."

"What? No, he doesn't eat meat...Okay, that's not a tree, then. He doesn't usually eat meat."

"You don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't need....um....zzz..."


(Distressed) "Aaaaaddoooommm!"
"Yes, love? It's okay, I'm right here."
(Satisfied) "Tacos."