Secret Mackerel

"Nnno, we're not aliens...That's fine, it happens."

"Akhim, go make me some coffee. Go! Go! It's easy, you just put water in it and BAM! You're done, you don't even need opposible thumbs for like, thirty five percent of the work. Just go! Go! Lazy jobless fucker cat! Go! Make me coffee, Akhim!"
"Sweetie--"
(Rolls over, scoops Akhim off the bed, and launches him toward the door.) "Go! Make me coffee! I'm depending on you, you lazy asshole! Get a job!" (Akhim lands safely, wanders out of the room, tail flicking.) "See, there he goes. He's going, right? Yeah. Making me coffee."
"Dorian, wake up, you just threw the cat."
"Unh?...Whuh?...Does Akhim have a job, yet?"
"No."
"Did he make me coffee?"
"...No."
"Well, damn."

(Dorian takes his phone, places it upside-down on his forehead, and falls asleep. I try to take the phone, he groans in objection and swats my hand away.)
"Leave it! I'm calling Jim! You've got to start doing it, too."

"Is Jim coming over?"
"No, love, you're not feeling well and you need sleep. Also, he works at eleven."
"Jim's not a newscaster."

"Oppa Juarez style!"

"You know what we should do get buy when we have stuff, Adom?"
"Hmm?"
"Mackerel...mackerellll...then we could...I could cook the mackerel. It would be delicioussss...we could have mackerel. I love mackerel. It's so good. I love mackerel so much. Promise me, when we have money, we'll buy some mackerel?"
"Sure, I promise...I am so putting this on Senatorial Kittens."
"Nnnnoooo! You can't tell anyone. Not about the mackerel. 'Cause then they'll knooowww. This has to be our secret mackerel."
(Laughing) "Okay."
"Nooo! Promise. Promise with the fingers and the stuff that when we have the stuff you won't tell anyone about our secret mackerel."
"I...I promise."
"Secret mackerel."
"Ok."
"Secret mackerel!"
"Secret mackerel."
"Ok...ok...I want it kippered."

(I ran this by Dorian before posting it, obviously, so I'm nor breaking our Secret Mackerel Vow.)