Sunday, December 22, 2013

Doranosaurus Rex

"Want to go to the store with me and Jim?"
"No, I don't think Jim and I should run hoover helicopters together. I just have a bad feeling that...even as an adult, Gummi Bears never made sense to me."

"It's either that, or I'm a dinosaur."

"I know where unicorns and dragons come from. There's a star cluster in the Milky Way. And I also learned how to defeat Slenderman, through the power of Nate's dad is a badass. He really needs to stop telling me what to do, though. I will not take a nap!"

"Adom! Mary is eating squirrels! Stop her!"
(He claims he said, "Skittles," referring to the school program he works in that doesn't allow candy to be consumed during program, but I know what I heard.)

"The problem with Data is that the King Midas pillow isn't in him."

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Let Slip the Dogs of War

"You must not retreat, retreating is for the weak. Seventy three out of seventy nine golden retrievers retreat in the first week of battle. If you want to win the war, you need the good stuff. That's why I support the use of dalmatians."

"Yes, love?"
"Are we still married?"
"Yes, love."
"Good. Oh, snap, I'm storing the three little pigs in the trunk of the car in storage. Just FYI."

"You gotta make sure the old people have a house, too. Everyone needs a house. Did you find the information on the caterpillars you were looking for? It's for the house."

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

I...I think the cat just told you to fuck off.

Today, Dorian and I are home sick after eating some depraved chili.

Me, at the computer, sipping Pepto-Bismol like a martini.
Dorian, in the bathroom.
Akhim, at the bathroom door, wanting to get in (presumably to use his catbox).

Akhim: "Meow. Mew. Mew. Meeeooorr. Meee-owrrr. Arrowww. Rowr. Rowr. ROWR. ROWRRR. ARRROWRRR."
Dorian, muffled through door of bathroom: "Stop it."
Akhim: "Fffuuuuuurrrowwwwrrfff!"

(We did let Akhim in to do his business.)

* * *

"The wheat farm with the blue thing. Nope, can’t do it. Seven bowls and a half. All three with a moon."

"Who’s in charge? Don’t let him stop."

"I don’t know why, but you have to, and they’re seventeen different, and I don’t know why, but you have to…zzzzz…"

"The fishing net was the first thing I saw of an Avatar thing. They firebend and caught the queso in it. Too bad there were no druids. But then they got the druids and there were flaming swords. Cheetos."