Saturday, June 30, 2012

Sandwich Armor

(Dorian wakes up)
Dorian: "Right?"
Me: "Huh?"
Dorian: "...I wasn't talking out loud through any of that, was I?"
Me: "Nope."
Dorian: "Damn, that was a fucking long speech."

Dorian: "What, she is? How'd she do that?"
Me: "Mm?"
Dorian: "...Huh. Guess not."
Me: "What?"
Dorian: "You just said your mom is a Mason."
Me: "No, I really did not."

Dorian: "I love you."
Me: "I love you, too."
Dorian: "I'm sorry."
Me: "You're fine."
Dorian: "Nooooooo I'm nooooot."

"What's the cheese doing? You have to get some. Nothing like it. Simple."

And finally, wisdom from his dream: "A sandwich is the most important food for blocking a bullet."

Friday, June 29, 2012


"Yeah, you're gonna want to take that the way, being Superman would can't do anything."

(I kiss him as he's sleeping. He chuckles) "I'm Artillery. I'm not supposed to talk to anyone."

Wednesday, June 27, 2012


Dorian fell asleep on the couch.
"C'mon, Dorian, let's go to bed."
"No, I can't. Have to wait for the guy with the stickers."
"It's okay, he's taken care of."
"Be careful, then, there's fish on the line. You have to swim with them in Iowa."

More Ragnarok quotes

"The jam  is two bladed, we should keep it."
(Minutes pass, I fall back to sleep.)
"Hnh? What?"
"Don't sell the jam."
"Ugh. Ok."
"Now we can't use the apples."

(Shatterhaze is the name of a Dagorhir player.)
"We all got candy, because Shatterhaze's shield is a pinata."

"Ok, everyone, out of the car. Remember to roll up the windows, we don't want pigeons in here." (Pantomimes rolling up the car window, opening the door, locking it, and shutting it.) "There. Pigeon proof."

"Uh-huh. No. Fuck that guy."

*Dorian begins a frantic pat down of his legs*
"Where's my wallet? Sweetie, I can't find my wallet. Or my pockets. Where's my wallet?"
"You're naked, love."
"You're naked. Find my pockets."

"The machine made the vacuum. The vacuum is filled with particles. We're all fucked."

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Dour Moose

"The doormouse can't spell. He's a dour moose."

"Why is Ted calling me?"
"He's not, he's calling me."
"'Cause he wants me to come in to work."
"Tell him to stop it, or I'll sic the dour moose on him, and the door mouse...what does 'dour' mean?"
"Yeah, that's right, the pouty moose, nukka."

(While lying in bed discussion camp logistics, Dorian fell asleep.)
"So we can set up the tents in a semicircle, and then the kaleidoscope can't get in."
"The kaleidoscope, he's hiding under the ground cloths and in the tarps, we have to stop his plot before he brings in Vancouver."

"Where's Amy?"
"I don't know."
"No, we need to leave the campsite set up so Bill can get a job!"
"It's okay, I took care of it."
"...Where's Amy?"
"I don't know."
"Okay, well, fuck her."
 (I have no idea who Amy is.)

"Cincinnati sucks."

"Tell the orcs the cheesecake is ready."

Saturday, June 16, 2012

It's the end of the world, and we know it!

No posts for the next week or so, Dorian and I will be at Ragnarok.

We'll be having an "unofficial" wedding ceremony on Tuesday. (We're saving up for the big, "official" one next year, the one that the families would recognize as a wedding ceremony. This one's for us and our friends that wouldn't be able to travel cross country.) I am more than a little excited.

I've got the notebook, though, and I imagine being surrounded by people dressed like elves and hobbits and orcs and Romans and vikings is going to give Dorian some very interesting dreams.


See you after the end of the world!

Friday, June 15, 2012

Musical Complaints

I have a very cheery tune as my alarm on my phone. The alarm goes off.
"Ugh, devil music! This is why you shouldn't go to metal shows."

I open my laptop and start up Firefox. Dorian had been playing a flash game previously, and I didn't realize the volume was on high, so some fairly obnoxious music started blasting out of my computer right away.
"What the fuck was that?"
"That was your game loading up."
"My game, fuck it, no, get rid of it! Erase it from this earth! Throw the developers in hell and beat them with armadillos. (He pantomimes what an armadillo beating might look like) Yeah...that'll show them."
(Minutes pass)
"I'm sorry, are you okay?"
"You didn't have to kill them."
"They're fine."
"Too bad."

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

The road to freedom has been laid out to us by Lenin and great Stalin is leading us on it

"Huge deposits of gravel...bastards."

(K'lar is the name of our local Dagorhir realm.)
*Dorian begins humming something in his sleep. He wakes up.*
"I had a nightmare. K'lar was a front for the communist party."
"K'lar was a front for Nikita Krushchev. I had to sing the Soviet National Anthem."

Monday, June 11, 2012

Last night's theme was, apparently, "scare the bejeezus out of the fiancee."

"Zzz...Just don't think about what will happen if we're arrested...."

I imagine that comment was what caused me to have dreams about a few years ago when I was working as a security guard. So there I was, sound asleep, thinking I was walking alone through a parking ramp, when Dorian shouts...

I wake up and look around, confused as to where I am. "Ahhh!"
Dorian wakes up. "Hnuh? Sweetie? What's wrong?"
"Uh..." I realize what has happened. "Dammit. Go back to sleep."
Dorian was puzzled, to say the least.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Another brick in the wall

“I’m going to turn off the light.”
“’Cause I can’t sleep with the light on.”
“But how will I see you?”
“Your eyes are closed.”
“No, they’re not.”
“Yes, they are. And you were snoring.”
“I was not snoring.”
“Yeah, you were.”
“I wasn’t snoring. It is possible I was doing many other things.” (Rolls away)
“You don’t want me to hold you?”
“Very warm.”
“Why don’t we switch places, then, you can lie against the wall.”
“I can’t, I’m all out of albums…see the mouse in the compost garbage compactor…he’s not foolin’ around…you have a nice butt.”

Friday, June 8, 2012


*Dorian moves away, leans against the wall that's flush to the bed*
"Looking for cooler space?"
"'s cooler're a cooler."
"You're a fishing trout cooler."

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

You, sir, are a fishmonger

"Hey, Dorian."
"Move over, I have to use the bathroom."
"She ramble onna fishmonger battlements, right?"

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Wu Tang Clan ain't nothin' to love with!

"GO TO HELL! I love are so special to me...*throws up the Wu Tang hand symbol*"

"I love you. I offered to give up my kidney, so people would know I was serious. The only problem is the peanut butter and marshmallows still get in the felt of the suit. Stop that bullshit with the clouds!...That's right."

"We'll need two hundred. At least. I was going to get onto Nick Toons. (Throws a protective arm around me) Look out, Blue!"