Thursday, May 31, 2012


Me, very late at night: "Zzzz...."
Dorian, very late at night: "Zzzz...DON'T FORGET YOUR UMBRELLA!"
Me: O_O
Dorian: "It's filled with puddles."

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Over 9,000!

As of right now, Senatorial Kittens has 9,089 pageviews. Wow. Thanks, everyone!

This one from this morning is my doing, I'm afraid.

Me: "I had a weird dream."
Dorian: "Hmm?"
"The king from The Last Unicorn, I can't remember his name, he was this wizard, but really insanely powerful, and I wandered into his woods and he cursed me and then he came was all done in Ralph Bakshi style animation...he was still voiced by Christopher Lee...I can't remember the name of the king, though...that's really going to bother me..."

Several minutes...okay, like, half an hour passed as I sat and mulled over it. The Last Unicorn was my favorite movie growing up, and one of my favorite books. I've seen it more times than I can count, I can recite most of the dialog from memory. Not being able to remember the name of the antagonist was really bothering me. As I sat and thought about it, I failed to notice Dorian had fallen back to sleep.

Half an hour later...

(Dorian, alarmed and jerking awake): "Ahh! Wha? Wha?!"
"The king's name is Haggard."
"Oh...that's...well, I'm glad you figured that out."
"I'm sorry, you were sleeping again, weren't you?"
(Dejectedly) "Yes. I was...asleep."

My bad.

Friday, May 25, 2012


Dorian and I were out stargazing (as best one can in a small city) on our balcony.

"Is that Scorpio?...Wait, it turns out three of those are satellites."

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Rome is a great series.

I'm not sure if he was wholly awake for this one.

"I'm going to summarize my dream for you. Witches are bad news, you're best just to avoid them. And the day you get out of jail is a bad time to go and pick up your ex-girlfriend's mother. Even if she is Atia of the Juliii."

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

We've all had that one

"I had a nightmare."
"I'm sorry, love."
"I did graduate, right?"
"Good. I'm not ready for a French exam."

Sunday, May 20, 2012


Dorian, on why he didn't end up in his intended line of work:

"Give me ten years as a rabbi and see what I do to the Jewish faith."

Friday, May 18, 2012

Paper Speculum

Dorian had a few drinks tonight. As he left the room, indignant that we were not all so fascinated with his discovery that, when you put spent paper towel tubes on your fingers, "it looks kind of like a speculum, see, duck bill, checkin' you out inside," he said the following:

"No, no, I get it. I can't do anything right. I get it. I can't make you happy with paper tubes."

Bust a Move

"I love bust a move...(sings) 'cause whatever you want, uh, uh, yoouu got..."

"The fire was hot, and there were things too expensive to save. That's just how it goes."

Thursday, May 17, 2012


"Did you remember to take the wallaby for a walk?"
"Well, get his leash, then."

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Duck Pillow

"Someone's knocking at the door."
"No, there isn't."
"Yes, they are."
"No one's there, sweetie, you're dreaming."
"No, I'm not. Go see."
(I sigh, and go and confirm there's no one at the door. I also notice it's unlocked.)
"No one's there. And you forgot to lock up last night."
"Well, sure, because the refrigerator's good."

"Make one big one! Put all the pillows in one can't have one."

"Okay, I'm up! You don't have to keep kicking me."
(From the other side of the room.) "Sweetie, I'm over here."
"Oh. I'm sorry."

"Mmm. Duck pillow."

Perhaps someone can help Dorian out with this. This is from his Facebook this morning:

I need some help from the older crowd: I am trying (quite desperately) to remember the artist and song that I saw as a music video probably 18-22 yrs ago (on MTV). Not making this one up, other guys on the tubes are also looking for it: It is a guy, in a dinosaur suit, playing an acoustic guitar. He is standing next to a house (pink i think), a truck/ car (red?) and a tree. the whole thing is made to look like a kids cut-out. The song is kind of pop-semi-relaxed. And no one else is shown in the video... This is the thing keeping me up all night.
 Anyone out there have an idea of what this might be?

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Monday, May 14, 2012

Too bad, the cookies are delicious.

The search for gainful employment continues.

"I don't think I'm going to get this job," Dorian said as looked through job listings online.
"Why's that?" I asked.
"'Cause I meet all the qualifications except I can't become a registered Girl Scout."

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Llama Safety

We have a new flatmate, our good friend Matt. Last night, Dorian fell asleep while reading in the common room, so he was on the couch babbling while Matt and I putzed around and made breakfast.

(After several minutes of prodding)
Me: "Dorian, wake up, or the llamas will get you."
Dorian: "Llamas are a camel."

" tip...never tie yourself to a llama."

"Matt, you need to develop a strain of Turret's...not with cursing, though, just every once in a while, you loudly shout your grid location."

Me, to Matt: "Yeah, he'll be [talking in his sleep] for about thirty to forty minutes, now. This is where I get most of my material."
Dorian: "I am not newspaper material!"

(As I whisk eggs in a glass bowl)
"Clink clink clink clink...shhhh! No, it's okay, I'm getting up. I'm awake."

"Adom...Adom...vaiya con dios...I'm sorry. I couldn't save you. They took you, and I followed...but I didn't have any winter's cold in space."

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Meat Shield

"Did you check Facebook? I thought I heard a message just now...a message just came through...from Julia...saying okay, go now...he's angry...(mumbles incoherently) we need a meat shield, bring Brogan..."

*Dorian startles awake, knocks my computer, my arm, as he sits up*
"That was one enormous weasel."

Monday, May 7, 2012


Monday morning. Just me, my laptop...and my fiancee beatboxing in his sleep next to me.

"Yeaahhh...fuck you!...Mmm, nooo, the rich man kissed her butt. She's dead."

"Barely, you won, but Tony, your druid needs to re-roll."

"Let's play a game."
"What game?"
"Who Doesn't Get Horny First."
"Uh...I win?"
"Your pothole is bigger, it'll be a minute."

"You do favors to young people, and they're all like, 'ha-hah!' and you're all like, 'fuck you.' It's just annoying, is all, you know what I mean? Stupids."

"You just gotta be grimacing cute. Can't use my face, it's not ferocious enough."

"Hiya! The iron galvanizes the material galvanize...We're not Tuesday!"

"Yeah, but you gotta give it should have bought it when we got there, 'cause we can't take it with us now."

"The ceiling hands!"

(Dorian stirs)
"I hate this part of the day."
"What's that?"
"When I just can't wake up...why...why are we on French food guide?"

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Prawn Sandwich

As we went to bed, Dorian commented, "Your hair is like the Estonian embassy."
I waited several seconds for him to explain, but he said nothing else after that.
"You gonna elaborate, or you gonna just leave me with that for the next several hours--"

"If Phil's haircut had a flavor, it'd be lemon-lime-lame."

"On the bass, the medula! Ba dum dum dum dum...The cymbals, the central nervous system! Vocals, we have the subconscious! (sings) IIII'mmm not tall enough (ends singing)...oh, that's sad...disappointed band manager, the conscience...My band sucks."

"I'm like the Dalai Lama of kicking ass."

"Can we (mumbles)?"
"We can get them with the sauce."
"Adom, are you awake?"
"Can we get some prawns? They're like shrimp, but big. Big shrimp. Which is a contradiction."
"You want to get prawns, now?"
"We can eat them with sauces, or have a praaawn saaandwiiich..."
"Are YOU awake?"

(I'm not sure he was actually asleep for this one, or just trying to ire me.)
"...Strange things are afoot at the Circle K."
"I'm going back to sleep, now."

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Wallaby Stone

This morning, Dorian sang in his sleep. Several minutes passed as I listened to him hum and mumble, trying unsuccessfully to identify the tune. Finally, I asked him.
"What are you singing?"
Without waking, he responded, "'I'm Going to Stab Arthur in the Face With a Pen.' It's a song I wrote."

"It's not a wallaby convention, this isn't Rocko's Modern Life...Harry Potter and the Wallaby Stone...Voldemort was really disappointed, lost interest quickly."


Dorian fell asleep while we watched Flight of the Conchords. He made a remarkable lack of sense.

"Honey, you're snoring."
"I'm awake."
"No, you're not. Let's go to bed."
"I am bed."
"C'mon, let's go to bed."
"The thing. It's going to open into a doesn't have a collarbone, no collarbone, just shoulders...and I'm prying the head open with the fluffy parsley and it's on a stick too small..."
"You're not making any sense."
"That's 'cause of the river."
"What'd the river do?"
"It's wet...and hot...making me wear a red T-shirt."

"You can wreck your share of things."
"I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to Brian, Prime Minister of New Zealand."

"Dorian, c'mon, let's go to bed."
"You should trim the bushes, there's too many's not good for weapon crafting...I'll be sexy again someday!"

"We were watching the Aztec gods on ice. Huitzilopochtli was's hard being the hummingbird god and convincing people you're was awful...terrible..."

"I love you...don't transfer everything...don't, 'cause we need the wolverine."

"I feel like I'm not really appreciated by the consulate."
"I appreciate you."
"That's good. You're wearing clothes."

"I am bed...I am bed...I am bed...we are bed....he had a thing on his foot, why can't we have any fun? I designed it as not, but it has...which is cool. Hide the hedgehog."

"Did you just call me a hippo?"

"I don't want to be in the deposit with the people with no breasts! It's hard to fit next to them."

"From the looks of're very sexy."

 "I have another gun, but I can't use it, yet. Carrots to go take care of."

(Dorian mumbles something.)
"Wha?...No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."
"I raised my voice. I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you." (Dorian takes my hand and places it on his crotch) "Donde esta la bibliotheque? It's lame, that's what it is."

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Mushroom, mushroom

I'm having a hard time sleeping tonight. Dorian is not so troubled. This is not entirely coincidental.

As I tried to get him to wake up off the couch so we could go to bed in bed, he fell asleep mid sentence:
"I'm coming, sweetie, don't worry. Just leave the thing at the stuff and I'll pick him up and put him on the five..."
"My love--"
"Shh, you'll wake him up."

This took place about three hours after we went to bed. It's been a stormy night, and the storm was directly above us at this point.
Dorian: "Hey!"
Me: "Hnh?"
Dorian: "We should go to bed, now."
Me: "Oh...okay..."
(I close my eyes. Lightning strikes, thunder claps)
Dorian: "So stop playing with the lights."

(Dorian rolls over and pulls my pillow out from under my head)
"Need this to fight the badgers. Can't see the badgers."

You can pick your friends...

I am typing this from underneath Dorian, who has fallen asleep on top of me and is not responding to prompts to get him to wake up and go to bed properly.

"I'm sorry. I'm building things...I don't want to fill them...okay, I will. On June 8th."
Dorian stirred slightly, and moved his hand, whapping me in the face in the process.
"Oh, sorry, sweetie, I didn't mean to poke you in the face."

Then he shoved his finger up my nose.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012


"No! Tim...he took my nose out at the Watergate..."

(I roll over)
"Don't do it!"
"Don't do what?"

(A long sentence in what I think was Farsi) "And that's why fuck you."