Monday, October 29, 2012

Senatorial Kittens: The Musical!

Me: "I love you, Dorian."
Dorian: "I love you, Adom."
Me: "Good night."
Dorian: "Good night."
(Several minutes of silence as we fall asleep. As I start to drift off...)
Dorian: "...Like a G6!"
Me: "Hunh?"
Dorian: "Whuh?"
Me: "You awake?"
Dorian: "...Zzzz..."
Me: *Closes eyes to go back to sleep*
Dorian, minutes later: "Like a G6, like a G6...blizzard...zzz..."
Me: o_O
Dorian: "Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle...zzz...CHOC-late RAIN, duh duh duh duh duh duh duh, CHOC-late RAIN, duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh, CHOC-late RAIN..."

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Cyndi Lauper

(Finally) catching up:

"...Yeah, well, at least it's way better than Quidditch."

"No, Jim, ecoterrorism is not a can't put chocolate syrup on all the leaves."

(Asleep, on the couch, while the rest of us play Settlers of Catan. Someone mentions they have sheep.)

"Zzz...Tony Danza is a cunt!"

"I should be full of shame right now, but I just have the giggles. My piss smells like cupcakes. We're good."

"Nothing's more stimulating than falling into a goddamn punji pit."

"Seventeen Sanchos, duct taped together...playing billiards."

"Don't tell the duck! We have to make it go!"

Dorian: "Someone's beeping you."
Me: "I heard."
"I think it's Cyndi Lauper."
"Because I want a sandwich."
"Do you want me to make you a sandwich?"
"...Do I exist?"
"Then yes...I'm sorry the potatoes look so scary. It's because I had to carve them...Tell the goat to shut up."

Monday, October 22, 2012

The Sound of Confusion

"It's like the extender where you put six to forty inches on your penis, but when you get close to it, it looks fake. That's why we're sticking to the picture. Agreed?"
"Right. Because then you can take it to the chameleon and the ostrich and they can get it tested. But be careful, they don't like singing. And you can't tell Adom because he doesn't want to pick Edelweiss in the mountains 'cause it's too cold there..too many nuns...zzz...WAIT! Don't go with them, they're bad."
"Ok, I won't go."
"They have banjos."

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

The Loach

I've been making notes on Dorian's antics, but haven't gotten around to posting them, for some reason. My apologies. I'll make a point of catching up with my notebook before the weekend.

"I got to talk to Mort today about where chapels and unicorns come from. I like to educate, it was nice, but there were all the buttery ducks. Twelve of them, ducks everywhere. And I couldn't get them past the gatehouse...Now I want kiwis. All the kiwis in the world."

"If you've got it, then you can go. Nope. No, turn around, go back again. Do it again. Turn around...Ok, now you can go. But sign the document first. Here. And here. And here, on the dotted line. Ok, now you can go."

Me: "Sweetie, I need some water and I'm having a hard time sleeping. I'm going to get up for a little while."
Dorian: "Ok. Bring the loach."
Me: "The what?"
Dorian: "Bring the loach with you."

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Butter Gloves

"You should check out the video I made, it's pretty good...Unless I didn't make it, then it's not...Also, I'm pretty sure I got drunk before the end, you know. And there's no editing. I wish there was."

"Need to bring gloves. Do you have gloves?"
"Need them to melt the butter. My own wand works, too. I don't understand the usage of that word."

"Do you know whether or not you can use things on a discount? Hmm, I thought they were free."

"All those who voted are accounted for!"

Friday, October 5, 2012

Concerning Pants

Dorian, Jim, Matt, and myself were watching Doctor Who and Dorian fell asleep.

"Zzzz...zzz...zzz...Rassilon's a dick!...zzz...zzz..."

"Sweetie, time for you to go to bed."
"I did."
"No, you're on the couch."
"Nope, in bed. Proof." (Grabs my forehead) "Rabbit ears."
"Sweetie, c'mon--"
(Pokes my forehead repeatedly.) "Mute button...mute button."

"Change the channel! Why is he so ugly?!" (Pokes my face again.)

"You're not in bed, love. You're on the couch."
"Nope. Pants."
"Exactly. Do you ever wear your pants to bed?"
"Hmm. Nope."
(Dorian begins taking off his pants. Alarmed, Matt launches himself to the other side of the couch.)

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Inglorious Bast

Dorian: "What is it in the it bad?, just put some dirt on it...yeah, that's it, it'll be fine...hahahaha! Lousy Jews."
Me: "...I love you."
Dorian: "Hey, you, got him. (Gasps, sits bolt upright, tackles me) ADOM! Let's go to bed!"
Me: "Uh...ok."
Dorian: "Ok...ok...zzzzz...(gasps again in surprise, semi-wakes) Hey, you! How'd you get here?"
Me: "Uh, well, you said something about 'lousy Jews,' and then pounced on me."
Dorian: "No lousy Jews. Good Jews. Killing Nazis."
Me: "Ok."
Dorian: "Zzzz...I've learned things, in my dreams."
Me: "Oh?"
Dorian: "Nazis don't like punji sticks. Or being punched in the face."
Me: "O...k..."
(Akhim wanders over to see what is going on. He hops onto Dorian's lap, and Dorian seizes the cat and pulls him into the embrace.)
Dorian, to Akhim: "You're cuddling now."
(Akhim tolerates this for a moment or two, then tries to squirm away.)
Dorian: "Nope! Cuddling!"
 (Dorian falls back into the couch, still holding Akhim, who begins whipping his tail furiously in irritation and periodically trying to wiggle free.)
Dorian: "Nope...noooope...stoppit. Ow, you bit me. Goway. Nazi cat."