Our friend Mort makes his own beer. After a day of drinking very little water and skipping meals, Dorian availed himself of Mort's beer. Several times.
I give you the results.
I give you the results.
“There is a difference between drunken ramblings and prophecy. Drunken ramblings does not change your life. Everything I say is like prophecy.”
“Anal beads are nothing to be afraid of. They stay in the ground when you leave ‘em.”
“There will need to be an emancipation proclamation for the amount of ass kicking I will bring on you.”
On whether he could walk to the nearest gas station:
“I know the way. It’s straight and then it kinda goes, woo!”
“It’s like the civil rights movement. You never know when the right moment to shove a lighter up someone’s nose is, but when it’s right, you know.”
“I am the opposite of the blue stabilizers on the TARDIS. I am not the blue boringers.”
Eden: “The flowers are like cotton candy.”
Dorian: “It gets stuck around your penis really easily and makes it hard to…(he notices us looking at him) What?”
"I can't believe I'm time traveling! I don't know whose face I am!"
Me: "Okay, sweetheart, let's get you home."
(I put an arm around him to stabilize him. He starts tugging at my shirt.)
Me: "Dorian. Dorian. Dorian!"
Me: "You're taking off my clothes. Stop that."
Dorian, laughing: "Oh, sorry. (Whispers, giggling) To be honest, I thought they were my clothes."
So after a few hours of insisting that he is a Time Lord and other drunken nonsense, I drove him home. He sat down on the couch and attempted to post a status update to Facebook.
The status was this:
so it turn seems that no food and litlle not very water an alot of bneer is basically dancing and seinging bnilly idol out of the passegner seat of a car, I dont I actually did prefer the billy ocean "caribeaqn queen" but I i need water
He felt his message was unclear ("Nothing I am thinking is coming out of my fingers! It's like Little House on the Prairie, and I'm the black woman!"), so he elected to post this moments later.
I am sobrest than thent I typed : Not eating food andf havening water not id a bad idea for when you beer, I ended yup-0 singing abilly idol songs and in the p assenger seat, but i prefvered,. as usual the billy ocean. And I concluded that I need perhaps drink some water. See, it was alot more coherent.
Upon reading these posts:
"Oh, no! They're gonna think I'm drunk!"
And then he started talking.
"Hawaii? I'm gonna get that son of a bitch."
"I can't believe you broke a T-ball bat. I can't believe you brought a T-ball bat. Why? I have a machete in the car."
"I have jurisdiction everywhere."
"Akhim, you're the Michael Jordan of cats, you just won't stop being awesome...and you're fuzzy. I LOVE YOU, LITTLE MICHAEL JORDAN. And you're a kitty."
"Oh no! That one's flexible enough to pull it off!...Well, yeah, there's the in the one you've got to."
Ladies, gentlemen, and everyone in between, my husband is a madman
with a box.