"I invented a secret kiwi handshake. It's gonna be a good day...and I did it while I was awake, too!"
Dorian fell asleep during a conversation this morning. What's worth knowing is that we did run out of fish food this week, and just went out and got more. During the conversation-in-which-he-was-asleep, he said some rather rude things.
Dorian wakes up: "Wha? Are we fighting?"
Me: "You called me a jackass!"
Dorian: "What? No, I didn't!"
"You said, 'I'm not the one who ran out of fish food, jackass.'"
"No, that was the butler. I'm pretty sure he was eating the stuff. For real."
"We don't have a butler."
"No, but the rich guy did, and he came over, and I was feeding the fish, and I handed the thing to the butler, and when I turned back, it was empty. There's nowhere else it could have gone."